Ghost of Boyfriends Past
by jaybunzy0
Summary: Spin off of A Christmas Carol: Jenna visits Elena Christmas night. From there, the two depart on a supernatural adventure where Elena revisits her past relationship with Matt, present relationship with Stefan and discovers who awaits in her future. Written for the A2A Holiday Exchange. Prompt by morvamp.


**Title: **Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

**Summary:** Spin off of A Christmas Carol: Jenna visits Elena Christmas night. From there, the two depart on a supernatural adventure where Elena revisits her past relationship with Matt, present relationship with Stefan and discovers who awaits in her future. Through this adventure Elena gets a rare glimpse of the differences in each of the relationships as she comes to terms with who she was, thinks she is now, and who she's meant to be. Written for the A2A Holiday Exchange. Prompt by morvamp.

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this work.

* * *

_Should __old__ acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?  
Should __old__ acquaintance be forgot, and __old__ lang syne?_

_For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne,  
we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne._

* * *

The screen cut away from George Bailey and his family and friends to roll the ending credits and Elena took a second to stretch out her body. It was an old habit. Her body didn't need the stretch. Her vampire body was perfectly fine remaining still for an eternity. She had been curled up on her couch watching Christmas movies for the better part of the night. It was the only thing that helped her keep her mind off her confusion. Stefan or Damon. It was a never-ending cycle. Part of her, the human part, wanted to hold on to her choice and try to make things work with Stefan even if things didn't feel right. Even if a part of her was recoiling against the very idea. Once the recoiling took over she would let her mind wander in daydreams about Damon and the way being with him felt as natural as breathing. Then she would remember herself and get right back on Team Stefan. Back and forth. It was enough to drive her mad.

It didn't help that just a few weeks ago Stefan had decided to call it quits. Not wanting to deal with her connection with Damon and her continued denial that anything more than friendship and attraction existed between them. But deep down she knew it was more. So, so much more.

Knowing her luck, she would probably be worse than Scary Mary and her hoarding. She would be the only vampire in existence to go mad because of some love triangle she couldn't get herself out of. At this rate she was probably worse than Katherine. No manipulating. No sleeping with both sides. No, at this rate three hearts were invested and three hearts were getting torn through the cheese grater as Elena continued to sway back and forth. Becoming a vampire didn't help either. Now that everything was heightened she definitely couldn't catch a break.

Her eyes wandered to the frame on the end table of her and Jenna dressed up in ugly Christmas sweaters for a party a few years back. They were both sticking their tongues out as Jenna gave her bunny ears just as Jeremy snapped the photo. Her undead heart clenched at the memory. She missed Aunt Jenna. If Jenna were here she could complain until she ran out of air—which was impossible since she didn't even need air anymore—and then Jenna would give her the best advice she could. They would argue pros and cons and eventually Jenna would say, "Just follow your heart. It'll never lead you wrong."

The problem was her heart was giving her a fork in the road. She either took the safe, well-traveled road with Stefan which held no surprises or wandered along the dark, mysterious road of the unknown with Damon. Her heart loved them both. Her mind, on the other hand, just gave her the runaround as she tried foolishly to keep up.

She grabbed the photo and ran her finger along her aunt's face. What she wouldn't give to see her face again just once. With a sigh, she put it back and stole a glance at the clock and saw that it was nearly midnight. She frowned as she realized it would be Christmas Day in just a few more minutes and she was no closer to figuring out her dilemma. Another holiday gone by where her heartstrings were being pulled in both directions and she wasn't sure which one should be cut free. It felt like she was constantly fighting between the two halves of herself, trying to find the real her—if that even existed in this new sensory overloaded body.

After she folded the blanket back over the couch, she turned off the TV and made her way back upstairs. Before washing her face, she checked on Jeremy and found herself smiling at the sight of him sleeping peacefully underneath his covers. Closing the door to his bedroom quietly, she quickly went through her night time routine and set out her outfit for the Christmas party at the Salvatore's before climbing underneath her comforter. She looked over at a family photo and whispered, "Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad. Merry Christmas, Jenna," before placing her hand under her pillow and succumbing to sleep.

x-x-x-x

"Elena…" a familiar voice sang. "Elena, wake up. We're going to be late."

Groaning, Elena placed her pillow over her head to block out the sound. She felt like she had barely had a few minutes of sleep. It couldn't be Christmas morning already. The feeling of cold hands touching her bare back caused her to jump out of bed and flash over to the other side of her bedroom. Nothing normal felt like that. It was when her eyes took in the figure over her bed, that her body relaxed even though this all seemed off.

"Am I dreaming?" Elena wondered aloud.

Jenna smiled. "No, you're not dreaming. This is 100% really happening. Is it too weird for a vampire niece to hug her ghost of an aunt?"

Elena shook her head. Had she not just wished she could see her aunt one more time? Who was she to reject a dream come true when it was happening right before her very eyes? Crossing the small space in a shorter time than was humanly possible, Elena embraced her aunt. Her skin was ice cold and she didn't feel completely solid, but she smelled like coffee and brand new books, and her hair was the same caramel brown, and she rubbed her hands on Elena's back the same she had when she was human. "How is this possible? You're a ghost and I'm seeing you. Isn't that Jeremy's issue?"

"This is a special exception."

"But you're really here?"

She nodded. "Just for a few hours. I'll be back where I belong by the time the clock strikes five."

Elena's face fell as she looked at the clock. Midnight. "That's not long at all."

"No, it's not. But it'll hopefully be just enough time to help you."

With furrowed brows, Elena repeated, "Help me?"

Jenna ran a chilly hand down her niece's hair. "You've been struggling between Damon and Stefan, haven't you?" Elena nodded. "Well, I'm here to help. Let's just say I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Have you ever seen 'A Christmas Carol'?"

"Of course. Jeremy used to be obsessed with the Jim Henson version when he was little."

"Well, this is going to sort of go like that. Only you get three ghosts for the price of one."

Elena frowned. "Are you saying I've been a Scrooge this holiday? Because I've really been trying. With becoming a vampire and Damon and Stefan and let's not forget we had this crazy hunter after us—"

Jenna placed a hand on her arm to stop her. "We're not here to fix your Christmas spirit. We're here to fix your love life. You deserve to be happy, Elena. You have the chance to be but your letting everyone else have an opinion on what should be making you happy instead of focusing on the fact that you already know what will. I'm here to prove that to you."

"How?"

With a glance at the clock, Jenna stood back, her arm extended. "You'll see. It's time. Just take my hand and everything will make sense."

Nervously, Elena placed her hand in her aunts and the second their palms touched, the world around them disappeared and a new one began to take place. They were still in Elena's bedroom only it was different. Different because it was covered with NSYNC posters and her bed was covered with stuffed animals. Rumpled clothes were strewn all across her floor and pictures of her friends were scattered about the room. The muffled music of some girl band she vaguely remembered came from the ajar bathroom door and without thinking Elena began to make her way towards it. She peeked inside to see her thirteen year old self dancing in front of the mirror as she applied just the tiniest bit of lip gloss. Okay, tiny was putting it lightly. Her mouth was practically covered with the stuff.

Confused, Elena turned back to her aunt. "What's going on?"

"We're visiting your past to help you towards your future."

In a whisper, she replied. "Can she hear us?"

Jenna shook her head. "No. We're merely viewing events."

"How is this important?"

Her aunt laughed. "Do you not remember what you're getting ready for?" Elena shook her head. "It's the night of your first middle school dance and coincidently your first date."

Elena's mouth dropped in shock just as the doorbell rang. Past Elena sprinted out the door and nearly collided with her mom who had appeared in the bedroom doorway. She had her hands on her hips as she smiled down at her daughter. Miranda lifted her thumb to her mouth and licked it before gently smearing off the glop of gloss covering her daughter's lips. "Remember, Elena. Less is always more."

"Right," Past Elena said as she seemed to be committing the advice to memory. Then she seemed to frown as she looked back up into her mother's eyes. "What if he doesn't like me?"

"Oh, 'Lena, sweetie. He'd be crazy not to. Just be yourself. That's seemed to have gotten you this far."

A voice called from downstairs. Her father. "Elena! Matt Donovan's here!"

Past Elena let out a squeal and then covered her mouth in fear that the boy downstairs would hear. "Oops!"

Miranda laughed. "Let's not keep Matt waiting."

Jenna's hand on Elena's back brought her back to the moment. She had been so caught up in the memory playing out before her that she had forgotten why she was here. Together they followed the past version of herself as she nervously walked towards Matt. The smile on both their faces was enough to put a smile on Elena's face. Matt was her first love, and seeing how happy they used to be it was easy to see why.

As Past Elena and Matt made their way out the door, the memories began to play around them in a blur. It showed their first dance, the first time he kissed her outside of school, moments of laughter and childish fights, the first time they said "I love you" and the first time they went all the way, thousands of moments when they snuck out past curfew and got caught by their parents drunk. It played before them so quickly and yet each moment stood out enough for Elena to remember.

Suddenly, the montage stopped and they were in the Gilbert living room as her family decorated the Christmas tree. Jenna took this moment to speak again, "Matt was your first love. The two of you dated for most of your life. Everything was perfect between the two of you until the future got in the way." She turned towards Matt and Past Elena leaning against the door frame and Elena followed her gaze.

"Imagine when we're doing this for our kids," Matt whispered as he planted a kiss against Past Elena's forehead. Past Elena cringed as he continued. "Staying up late, just the two of us, trying to get the presents wrapped in time and seeing their faces as they come down the stairs. We're going to be as happy as your parents one day. I hope they get your good looks and my athletic ability," he laughed.

Past Elena let out a brief chortle before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards where her mother was stringing popcorn. Matt seemed oblivious to her discomfort as he kissed her cheek and shoulder bumped Jeremy nearly causing him to drop an ornament he had been holding. Past Elena kept looking towards Matt with hurt in her eyes. Elena remembered what she had been thinking. How she thought Matt was moving too fast. How she wanted to explore the world and get out of Mystic Falls before she settled down with kids the way he was envisioning.

Jenna seemed to understand. "Matt wanted to build a lifetime with you, here, in Mystic Falls but you weren't ready for that. You loved Matt but not enough to picture your future together. You began to grow distant with him the more he talked about college and your lives together. But despite all that, despite what your mother said the night of the bonfire, you would've stayed with him even though just loving him wasn't enough."

Elena had tears in her eyes as she began to notice the way Matt looked at her, as if trying to figure out what had changed. She had strung him along because she loved him, because he was safe, because she believed that in time her thoughts would change. The illusion that her younger self lived in was one that didn't know how precious time was. That she never would have enough if even it came to the people she loved. "I wasn't being fair to him."

"No, you weren't. But Matt understood that your breakup was a long time coming and even though he was hurt when you finally broke up with him, he still held on to that idea that once you found whatever it was you were looking for, you'd come back to him. He held on to that dream for a long time—a part of him always will."

With her eyes intent on Matt, Elena whispered, "Because we were each other's firsts."

Jenna nodded. "You could fall in love many times in life… you have," she smiled. "But the rush that comes along with the beauty of a first love always holds a place in our hearts. It's because when we first fall in love we are not burdened by past heartbreak or past experiences to keep us from truly being ourselves. We are open and trusting and that's what makes the feeling truly special and unforgettable."

"Whoa, Jenna, eternal peace turned you into a regular fortune cookie," Elena laughed as she dabbed at her eyes. She was silent for a moment as she stared at the first boy she had ever given herself to. "Will Matt find someone who makes him happy?"

"He will. He's just going through a lot right now. He's more concerned with keeping everyone safe than falling in love. It'll take some time but he'll open up again."

Elena smiled. "Good."

She turned to look at Matt once again when she noticed that the scene around them had changed once again. Rather than be in her house they seemed to be in the Salvatore boarding house. The woodsy smell of burning embers and the low rustling of pages filled the room as Elena looked around the room in search of either Salvatore. Jenna tapped her shoulder and pointed to her left and Elena's eyes followed, catching sight of Stefan at a desk writing furiously into his journal. Cautiously, she stepped towards him already feeling the ache in her heart over all the pain and torment their relationship caused. Deep in the hardened center were the ignorant memories of their time together, of that sweet bubble they often found themselves in as they escaped their inner demons. No matter the current state of their relationship, Stefan pulled her out of her grief and gave her back her life. She would be eternally grateful to him even if it hadn't held so much meaning in the literal sense.

"You both certainly share a love of journal writing." Jenna appeared over Stefan's shoulder, her eyes intent on his written word.

Elena nodded as she tried to make sense of the scribbles in Stefan's journal. "Yeah," she replied, not fully paying attention. She caught her name a few times strung along with Damon's and how becoming a vampire had changed her into something he couldn't love. She caught sight of her doppelgangers name and immediately stepped away from the desk, not wanting to read anymore.

"What?" Jenna questioned.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Elena shook her head. "Nothing. Not important."

"Don't keep things hidden, Elena. I'm here to help _you_. Let me."

"Stefan can't love me this way," Elena stated without a hint of doubt. It was something she had known all along, something she had even voiced aloud to the younger Salvatore during a fight, but to see it written down in a book meant to enclose his most deepest thoughts was a pain worse than the burning sun. Stefan love was pure but it had always been conditional.

Jenna shook her head. "He fell for the girl who was just getting over her parents death. You've changed. You're not that girl anymore."

"I know."

Her aunt reached out to wrap an arm around Elena's shoulders. "How do you feel about that?"

"That I've changed?" Jenna nodded and Elena thought about her response carefully. "I've accepted it. I feel… _in control_. Like, I have a say in what happens in my life now. When I was… human, no matter how much I trained or fought I was always weak. People were always getting hurt or killed trying to save me." She frowned as she stared up at the ghost of her aunt finding a weak smile there. "In this body, I can fight back. I can protect Jeremy, I'm strong. Even though I thought this was something I never wanted, I never thought about how even if I remained humans I could never really have the things that becoming a vampire made impossible."

Jenna squeezed her shoulder. "And what's that?"

"Children," she whispered. "How could I continue my bloodline and damn a future generation to what I've been through? The Petrova bloodline will always be a curse. Becoming a vampire was the only way to put a stop to it."

Silence passed between them as they watched the flickering embers in the fireplace. It was awhile before Jenna spoke. "What drew you in to Stefan?"

The reminder of her ex-boyfriend's name brought her eyes back to his now still form as he glanced out the side window overlooking the grounds. "His kindness. His persistence. Despite being dead," she laughed quietly at her own joke, "he was so full of life when we first met. It was hard not to feel that way too… when I was around him. He didn't look at me with pity and sadness the way so many other people did. He looked at me with such hope. Like by being around me saved him in some way. It was a strange feeling but it became almost addicting."

"And now?"

"Now… the memories, I guess? When I look back on how I fell in love with him it's not hard to get caught up in it. He pulled me through a dark time, he saved me time and time again. I never doubted how he felt about me, how he loves me. Except once."

Jenna had taken a seat on the vacant couch. "Tell me about that."

Elena's head dropped. "When he used me to manipulate Klaus. Forcing his blood on me and threatening to turn me is one thing, but to bring me to the place where my parents died, where I should've died, where he rescued me… that was crossing the line. I thought for sure I had lost him to his bloodlust and revenge."

"But you forgave him?"

Nodding, she responded, "Yes. I still loved him."

Jenna looked at her with probing eyes. "But things were different, weren't they?" Elena's eyes widened. "I've been paying attention, Elena."

She turned away and slowly walked towards the glass. Her hand went to reach up and touch Stefan's shoulder. The words couldn't find their way after being suppressed for so long. Quietly, she whispered, "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because our experiences define who we become. We need to learn from our mistakes and grow. What you learned from your relationship with Matt was that you wanted more than just a quiet life in Mystic Falls. What you learned from Stefan was how important it is to keep a relationship honest. That using a relationship to escape your problems is not the way to go. That you need to face them head on, together."

Elena placed her hands on her hips. "Now I see where you're going with this. This is about Da—"

"No," Jenna interrupted. "This is about you and giving away the one thing that makes you happy. It was too late for me, Elena. Do you understand that? We were only able to have a few days together before my time was up. Ric made me happier than I have ever been and now it's all just memories. This is your life right now, Elena. This is your present. Stefan's here, in love with you, wanting to make you human again, promising to protect you, always the practical, safe choice despite the fact that he can't face his own demons and, yes, I'm aware of those now. But say he eventually gets over that, which he will, in time, a ghost friend of mine once said that Stefan will always be good for you. He'll always be the safe choice."

A nagging feeling told her that ghost friend was Rose, the only other dead vampire who had an opinion on Elena's love life. "What are you saying?"

Jenna sighed. "I'm saying do you want to settle or do you want to live?"

As the words left Jenna's mouth, the boarding house disappeared and they suddenly stood in an open field. In the distance were two people dressed in black huddled under a willow tree. Through the darkness, Elena looked around and caught the sight of tombstones scattered around the grounds. Jenna was perched upon a marker, her legs crossed as she filed her nails.

"Why are we here?" Elena's heart clenched. Who else had they lost?

Her aunt said nothing. Instead, she pointed in the distance, at the gathering, and refocused her attention back on her nails. With a heavy heart, Elena marched up the small hill towards the twosome. It was hard to make out names with their backs to her so she kept her building anxiety under control until she could get a better look.

Once she reached the top, she caught the saddened faces of Stefan and Caroline. They stood there quietly as they stared at the sight ahead. Elena looked towards the tombstone above the raised dirt. There etched into white marble read her name and a date far into her current future. Further than any one human lifetime could offer. She clutched at her chest when the realization that they were here for her funeral hit her.

"She would've liked this," Caroline whispered, slipping an arm around Stefan's shoulder.

Stefan nodded. "Yeah."

"There was nothing you could do."

With a frown, he responded, "I know but if I never sought her out…"

"She would've died a lot earlier or lived a life not worth remembering. Elena had a full life, Stefan."

"Elena died protecting us, Caroline. How can I not feel guilty?"

"You burden yourself too much. Has anyone ever told you that?" She bumped her hip against his with a weak smile. When it didn't bring on her desired result, she continued talking. "She protected you both because she loved you both. She couldn't choose. She never could."

Stefan frowned. "We always knew who it was all along. We should've never separated them."

"That's something we'll have to live with. We honestly thought we were doing what was best for her. How were we supposed to know that her feelings weren't a result of the sire bond?"

Elena's brows furrowed in confusion. Sire bond? Were they really comparing the confusing feelings she had for Damon to the blind loyalty the hybrids had to Klaus? The reminder that her feelings for Damon existed long before she had her first taste of human blood shot that notion to hell. There was always something between them, not just some stupid vampire thing. Caroline's words repeated in her head. _"She couldn't choose. She never could."_ Would she really go through her entire existence not choosing between the Salvatore brothers? The fact that her indecision would lead to the ultimate sacrifice, a ploy no doubt put in place by someone who knew them well, and cause her true death struck Elena with determination.

If she chose than no one would use her indecision against her. If she chose, she wouldn't be causing all of them an eternity of pain.

Caroline spoke again. "Where's Damon?"

Elena watched as Stefan's body sagged. "He didn't want to think of her like this. I don't want to either. I want to remember her the way I always loved her, alive and human. Before I dragged her into all this mess." He turned towards Caroline. "Can we go now?"

The blonde nodded, bringing her arm through his and leading him down the hill where they disappeared in a flash. Elena was left with more questions than answers. Could she avoid her own death by just a simple choice? Or was her sacrifice inevitable? Even if she chose between the brothers, she could never be able to stand there while anyone she loved or cared about died. Even if it didn't come down to matters of the heart but rather the choice between a friend and her brother, Elena would choose death. How was she supposed to go on with this hanging over her head?

"The future can always change, Elena," Jenna stated, appearing beside her. "This is just one of the many possibilities awaiting you. I chose this one because it amplifies the importance of your choice and because of what's about to happen."

Elena looked at her with confused eyes. "What?" But before she could utter a word, a man appeared. Without a moment's hesitation she knew who stood before her. Of course he would show up. Alone. The beginning rays of dawn lit up his face no less handsome than the last time she had laid eyes upon it.

Damon stared down at the brown dirt seeming at war with his thoughts. He looked so distraught, so angry, so broken that it was hard for her to keep her eyes on him. Her death would do this to him. His knees went out from under him and suddenly his face was in his hands as broken sobs shook his slender frame. When he finally gained enough control to look up, his eyes were empty and hollow. No longer were they the bright shade of blue that haunted her dreams and caused endless shivers to rake down her spine. These were dull and lifeless and void of any hope.

"I'm so sorry, Elena," he whispered and his voice was rough.

Elena hadn't realized she was crying until her aunt handed her a tissue.

"I promised I would never let anyone hurt you and I failed. I let this happen. It's all my fault. What were you thinking, Elena? Why would you put yourself in harm's way to save me? I didn't understand it in Georgia and I most certainly don't now. I lived my life. I deserve to die."

As the words left his mouth, Elena knelt beside him, her hand reaching out in comfort and finding that she could not hold him. Her hand simply went through him, disappearing and causing her to jolt back in surprise.

Damon was none the wiser. He looked down at his hand and began to slide his daylight ring from his finger. "You were the only one who ever understood me. You were the first one to ever really love me even though it took me until now to admit it. I should've known better than to listen to Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee about sire bonds controlling your feelings." He gave a mocking laugh. "I know I said to spread my ashes over Wickery Bridge but this will have to do. I always just wanted to be wherever you are."

The sun began to blister his skin and Elena let out shrieks of fright that fell on deaf ears. She screamed and yelled and tried all she could to block the sun from harming him. As the second rolled by and her attempts to save him kept failing, Damon breathed out five words before he was gone.

"I will always love you."

There was a loud pop and when Elena opened her eyes she found herself back in her own bed with Jenna at her side. Tears streamed down her face as the images of Damon becoming more ash than man flitted across her mind. "Why would you show me that?" she managed out through her tears.

"To show you the depth of Damon's love for you. He never expected to outlive you by long." Jenna rubbed a soothing hand along her nieces back. "Stefan's love may be pure and good but Damon's has always been unconditional. Human or vampire, he's loved you all the same. He's accepted every part of you. This new you that you've become, that you were meant to be, he loves it no more or no less than that confused human girl he met in the middle of the road."

Elena nodded, inhaling a shaky breath as the last of her tears began to fall. None of this was new information for her. Damon never acted with her. What you saw was what you got and that was exactly the way she had always been with him in turn. She may have slowly opened up to him, showed him the various sides of herself, but Damon saw and loved every part of her. "He never pretended with me."

"No, he didn't."

The light emitting from the clock let Elena know she only had a few more minutes left with her aunt and she was no closer to resolving the confusion of her heart. "What am I supposed to do, Jenna?"

Jenna placed her hand upon her niece's clasped hands. "It's not my place to tell you, Elena. I'm only here to _help_ you decide for yourself."

Elena slid her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'm scared." It was the only way to explain it. Her heart knew what it wanted, what her body craved, but some nagging feeling in the back her mind kept her from making the leap with both feet. She always straddled the middle line between letting Damon in and keeping him far enough so he couldn't hurt her.

"I know." She was silent for a moment. "Let me ask you something."

"Anything," Elena breathed.

"Are you happy?"

With a nod, Elena answered, "Yes." Despite all her confusion and anger over the things going around her she had to admit that she was happy. She never felt so free.

"I saw that keg stand you did and the way you let go at that frat party. It's okay to have fun, Elena. You're different but you're still _you_. You're still my amazing niece." Jenna gave her a smile. "Being happy is all that matters and I can tell that you are; even if you're scared to admit the reason behind it."

Tucking her hair behind her ear, Elena met her aunt's eyes. "They're all against it."

"They'll come around," Jenna replied. Elena gave her a pointed look that caused her aunt to laugh. "It's Christmas. There may be a miracle or two. You never know."

"What do you know that I don't?" There was a look of confusion in her eyes that questioned her aunt's hope.

Jenna shrugged, a smile playing on her lips. "It's a secret." Her eyes glanced down at the clock and she frowned. "It's nearly time, Elena. I have to go back."

"You can't!" Elena screamed, frightened to see her aunt disappear from her life once again.

"I have to." She guided her niece back against her pillow and pulled the covers up under her chin. Despite the desperation on her face, Elena followed without a word. Her aunt's departure was inevitable. She couldn't remain in the world, walking amongst the living but not able to live. She had to return to her own world where she had been lucky enough to find peace despite her horrific death. Jenna kissed her forehead. "I love you, Elena. I'll always be with you."

Even though she attempted to stay awake, Elena found herself drifting to sleep just as a cold breeze blew across her skin. Darkness surrounded her and slipped into her subconscious. She dreamt of her memories, of her time with Matt, Stefan, and even of her friendship with Damon. Then her mind created such happy images of Damon and her together, cooking in the kitchen, eating pizza in the bath, cuddled on the couch reading classic novels. It seemed so easy for her mind to just cross the line between confusion and relationship. Why was it so difficult for her?

After all, there was nothing to be afraid of. Damon would always be there to catch her.

Her alarm woke her a few hours later and she sat up slowly, still mulling over the images from her dream. A thought stuck out to her mixed in with the journey she had been on with Jenna and the slideshow of memories that filled her dream. Each relationship had been about a different state of time. Matt's love was focused on the future and what would become of their lives. Where would they go to college? What would their family be like? Stefan was determined to bring them back to who they were in the past, his humanity and her naivety over what he truly was. She constantly tried to get them back to who they used to be instead of facing the reality that things had changed. The difference truly was Damon, who focused not on her past mistakes and who she was or the monster she could become and the future they could have together. Damon cherished whatever time he had with her. He didn't judge her for her faults but rather embraced the woman she had become because of them.

It seemed that her choice really came down to what state of mind did she want to be in? Past, present or future?

The decision seemed easy after that. Only one of the three had loved her in every stage of her life: the adventurous, care-free high school girl that was unaware of the supernatural world she was living in, the girl constantly dealing with the deaths of those around her as she tried to keep her head above water and save everyone she still had left, and the newborn vampire who dealt with overwhelming emotions and confusion over whether she couldn't ever make it as a blood-sucker. Elena was fairly certain that he would continue to love whatever person she became next. It didn't come down to who loved you a certain way, it came down to who could love you for every version of yourself. And that person for her was Damon.

She jumped out of bed still in her pajamas and threw on a pair of sneakers and a zip up. Grabbing her keys and her purse, she raced out of the house and into her car in a state of determination. What needed to be said couldn't wait another moment even if it was early Christmas morning and she hadn't been invited over. She legally owned the damn place. With a deep breath she drove her car towards the Salvatore mansion.

When she arrived, she pushed open her door and ran towards the door, not bothering to knock as she pushed her way inside. "Damon?" she called out to the empty room knowing that even in sleep her would hear her. Hell, he had probably known she was here the moment her tires hit the driveway.

In a flash, he was before her dressed only in a pair of pajama bottoms. He eyed her carefully with an amused smile as he took in the sight of her "naughty or nice pajama" bottoms. "Nice PJ's."

"We need to talk."

"Right down to business, Gilbert. I like the way you think. Especially considering its seven o'clock in the morning and everything."

Elena narrowed her eyes. "Just returning the favor," she stated, reminding them both of that early morning wake up she had received several months ago.

Damon gestured to the couch, shutting the door with a loud bang. Taking a deep breath, Elena sat on the couch and waited until he sat beside her. "So, who's threatening your life this early Christmas morning? Scrooge?"

Rolling her eyes, she couldn't help the smile that tugged at her mouth. "No one's trying to kill me. Not yet anyways."

"Then what's this all about?"

This was it. The conversation that would change everything. It was now or never. She just needed to make sure of one thing first. "Where's Stefan?"

Damon's face fell as he turned his body away from her and slouched back onto the couch. "He spent the night at Caroline's. She's his new blood-a-holic sponsor." He shrugged. "Guess my methods are too extreme."

"Good."

His face turned towards her, his eyes wide with surprise. "So, this has nothing to do with Stefan?"

Smiling, Elena shook her head. "No. This is about us." The way she intertwined their name into one entity, "us", was enough to send her undead heart unto overdrive. They had been an "us" for so long without her truly recognizing it. It had come to her so slowly and then all at once to the point where she could no longer deny it any long. Damon's hold on her was permanent and unbreakable. One could not exist without the other.

His eyebrow rose with intrigue. "Go on."

How did she put into words the confusion and inevitable realization that had been brewing inside her ever since they met? Where did she even begin? A part of her wanted to launch into a huge explanation of why this had taken her so long to realize but she decided against it. They had wasted too much time already on the past. She wanted to get moving with their future.

"I'm choosing you," she whispered and her voice was laced with sincerity and love at the depth and truth of the words. "From the very beginning, it's been you, Damon. You're the only one who's ever truly loved me, every side of me from the start. How could it not be you?" Her eyes looked around at the garland and bows on the fireplace before they found their way back to his. "It's Christmas and at Christmas you're supposed to spend it with the one's you love, so, I ended up here. Took me a year but I'm here now."

Damon was stunned into silence by the confession she had just given. His eyes searched her face trying to find any hint that she was being untruthful, that it was all some big joke; that he hadn't just been told the one thing he had been waiting to hear since they danced together at Miss Mystic Falls. For the first time in his existence someone was _choosing_ him, someone _wanted_ to be with him. It caused him to wonder if vampire could actually go into shock.

"Say something, Damon," she pleaded. His silence was causing her to worry. Was she too late? Had Damon had enough of her stringing him along that he wouldn't want her now? The endless silence in the harsh morning light nearly made her slip off the precious lapis lazuli ring that had been placed on her finger. She remembered what the feeling of the sun on her unprotected skin had felt like and that didn't even compare to what the threat of Damon's rejection would do to her. How had Damon made it through the year? His feelings were all the more stronger and he hadn't gone suicidal. "If I'm too late… I'll understand."

Suddenly, he broke from his silence and balked. "You think something as inconsequential as time is going to stand between us?"

A smile lit up her face and she felt like she could finally breathe. "Really?"

"Of course, Elena. Though it took you long enough." He winked.

That was all that she needed. Her body launched atop his without warning, her arms encircling his neck as her lips found solace on his mouth. His precious mouth that promised her time and time again that he loved her, the he would never leave her, that nothing would hurt her. How could she possibly think that harm to her heart would come from the man who kissed her this way? Who made her feel so complete? Damon's arms wrapped around her waist and then it felt as if she were flying and it wasn't because she was high off this man, it was because he had brought them to his bedroom.

Her feet touched the wood floor of the room that held so many layers of their relationship: the spot where she promised he would never lose her, where she pressed her lips to his in goodbye knowing it would be the one thing she could do to comfort him. It was in this room where she told him that she liked him just the way he was and it was the same way he loved her. Stepping into this room, slowed down their hurried movements and their kisses became more tender and soft, their touches slow and gentle.

With ease, their close slid from their bodies and formed a trail after their feet to the bed. Elena's back was met with softness as it hit his white down comforter. Damon smiled at the image beneath him, Elena's lips swollen from his kisses, her body flush with excitement, her long chestnut locks fanned around her face depicting her as the angel she was. Her hands wove into his hair and pulled him down to her before she flipped them over and brought his hands to her body.

He touched what had once been forbidden to him, memorizing every dip and curve, the supple mounds of her breasts, the softness of her skin, the sweet smell of cinnamon that scented her skin, the way her body rose to meet his exploring fingers. Elena watched the path of his hands from her straddled position on his body, her own hands feeling the hard muscles of his arms and the indentations in his tanned skin. She traced along the lines of his six-pack down to the indentations in his hips that guided her right to the place that stood at attention between her thighs.

With just the slowest of movements, Elena rose and positioned him at her center. Wanting to savor the moment, she guided herself down by centimeters, adjusting to his size and watching the look of wonder that took over Damon's face as he became buried inside her. They began to worship each other with their mouths, hands, and bodies, taking turns dominating. It was a union of equals and a creation of their love and it was beautiful.

By late afternoon, she had mesmerized every scar that sliced his body as a human and he knew every freckle that dotted her skin. The Egyptian cotton sheets were wrapped around their bodies as Elena lay draped across his body, pondering how exactly she could ever stop something that felt so amazing and wondering if she would even want to? Damon's fingers danced along her skin as his lips pressed into her hair.

"Damon?" she breathed right before she kissed his chest.

"Hm?"

She smiled as her kisses moved north towards his collarbone. "How do we ever stop?"

Damon chuckled. "I have no plans of stopping." Quickly, he pinned her beneath her and it was another few hours before she resurfaced, this time tucked underneath his arm and leg as they lay on their sides, staring at the setting sun.

"Caroline's going to be here soon," Elena reminded, knowing that soon the blonde with Stefan in tow would be barging into their little bubble with their judging attitudes before they knew it. It had been Caroline's idea to invite their close knit of friends over at the Salvatore boarding house for a Christmas get-together. They were a family and it made sense to spend the holidays together.

With a groan, Damon rolled onto his back. "Why would you mention Vampire Barbie in here?"

"Because if I don't _mention_ her," Elena laughed, "she's going to barge in here demanding why you're not helping her set up."

Damon flashed on top of her and planted a heated kiss on her lips. "You go shower and I'll grab you something to wear."

"You sure?" she questioned.

Nodding, Damon responded, "If I'm here while you're showering, we'll never be ready in time."

"Alright, they're on my desk chair. Can you grab my straightener, too?"

A roll of his eyes and Damon flashed to his armoire. He put on a pair of jeans and a dark green sweater before flashing towards her. Pressing his lips to hers, he muttered, "Merry Christmas, Elena," before squeezing her butt and giving her a wink as he disappeared from the room. Knowing she was alone, Elena had a mini burst of excitement where her legs and fists pounded at the mattress as she rolled around the massive bed. Once it was out of her system, she dashed towards Damon's shower and took her time letting the warm water wash away Damon's scent from her skin. It was a foolish attempt; he was already imbedded in every fiber of her being.

She was smiling to herself as she washed the conditioner from her hair when the sound of the bedroom door opening snapped her out of her reverie as did the familiar sound of her best friends' voice, "Damon! Stop being a prima-donna and get out of the shower!" Elena turned just in time to see Caroline under the archway, a shocked look widening her eyes and causing her jaw to drop. "Elena?!" She turned and caught the sight of the tangled sheets, the ripped clothing (both his and hers), and the smell of their love-making permeating the air. "Elena! You didn't!"

Quickly, Elena finished washing and turning the shower off as Caroline berated her for "sleeping with the enemy". Once the water stopped, she flashed towards the closet and wrapped a towel around her body and finger-combed her hair. She stepped towards her best friend who had begun to pace around the bedroom, pointing an accusing finger at all the evidence of what had transpired all morning. Finally, Elena had enough. "Caroline, stop!"

The blonde, halted and caught sight of the freshly showered vampire. "How did this happen, Elena?"

"It's been a long time coming, Caroline. Don't act like it's that big of surprise. You were the one who wanted me to face my feelings and I did."

"But I didn't want you to roll in the sack with them. You're too confused."

Elena shook her head. "No, I'm not."

"You are! Damon's just got into your head… and various other places." She visibly shook. "Gross!"

With a sigh, Elena placed her hands on both sides of her friend. Elena had come to terms with who she had become and the path that had opened up for her, she wasn't going to let anyone come in the way of that. "Can't you see how happy I am?"

Caroline's face softened as she took in the changes in her friend. It was obvious how happy she was in that very moment despite being judged for going after what she wanted. Elena stood taller and confidence and happiness radiated from her very being. She wore a hidden smile and her eyes were bright with promise. Caroline hadn't seen her half this happy since before her parents died. Despite her initial reaction to the idea, Caroline found herself coming around to it. Begrudgingly, she nodded. "Yes."

"Then why can't you just accept that this had nothing to do with Damon manipulating me or forcing me into this? Why can't you just accept that this is what I want?"

"You're really happy? This is what you want?"

With a broad smile, Elena responded, "Yes."

"Then I'll come around."

"Thank you." And the two girls hugged.

"Now this is what every man wants to come home to."

Elena and Caroline turned their heads to see Damon standing at the foot of his bed, a smirk lifting the one side of his mouth. He had Elena's clothes in one hand and a bag in the other. His eyes took in the sight of Caroline in her glittery dress and red heels and Elena wrapped only in a towel and his eyebrows waggled with mischief.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "In your dreams." She gave Elena a reassuring glance before she sashayed towards the door. "Get your butts downstairs in a half hour. Everyone will be here soon and you and Stefan never got a tree! Honestly, must I do everything?" She disappeared down the hallway, her decorating woes growing distant with each step.

"So," Damon began, placing Elena's clothes on a nearby chair and handing her the bag in his hand. "I take it Blondie knows."

Elena nodded. She opened the bag and found her blow-dryer, straightener, and makeup bag; and gave Damon a smile and thank you. She made her way towards the vanity and began to get ready. She rushed through her routine, drying her long hair and straightening it as fast as she could. Once she was all dried off she slipped on her skinny jeans and white tank top before tying her Christmas sweater that was covered in white reindeer around her body. When she was applying her makeup Damon broached the subject again.

"So, how did she take it?"

"Surprisingly well," Elena answered.

Damon stepped towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pushing her hair aside so her could plant kisses along her neck. "No interfering?"

"Nope." She sighed, too caught up in his ministrations to worry about Caroline. Her hand reached up to hold his head to her neck, her head lulling back in pleasure. Damon's hand was pushing aside her clothing, needing to touch her skin again. He slipped his hand down the front of her jeans and was met with wet velvet as Elena's ass grinded against him. "Don't stop," she whispered.

"Looks like Santa won't be the only one _coming_ this year," he whispered.

Elena moaned as his fingers moved inside her. "That was… lame."

"Lame but true."

"Mm hmm," she breathed.

Damon's free hand gripped her neck. "Open your eyes and watch what I'm doing to you."

Her eyes shot open as she took in the sight in the mirror. Damon's arms ensnared her as his mouth moved against the length of her neck and his fingers moved from inside her jeans. For the first time in her life, she actually watched herself have an orgasm. Her mouth parted, a small cry escaped, and rosy blush darkened her skin. The sight was so primal and erotic that her fangs protruded from her gums and the spider-web veins threaded beneath her eyes.

Slowly, Damon removed his hand from her jeans and turned her towards him. He placed feather light kisses underneath her lids and watched as the veins disappeared. It was wrong of her to think of Stefan when she was in Damon's arms, but Damon's actions had just reaffirmed what she already knew. Stefan could never love her like this. He couldn't see the girl he fell in love with in the monster that mirrored the thing he most hated about himself. But Damon? Damon not only embraced it, but loved it just the same. The gesture was so tender that Elena found herself whispering, "You love me."

Damon smiled. "Obviously."

"You love me just the way I am," she edited.

With a nod, he whispered, "Yes."

Her hands reached up to cradle his face. "I love you, too, Damon. Just the way you are."

They kissed. This time there was no buildup, no promise of more. It was just the slow, sensual kiss of two people in love. When they pulled away, they both wore matching smiles of happiness. They both saw their own happiness reflected in their lover's eyes.

"Merry Christmas, Damon," Elena whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Elena."

Christmas music sounded from below and they both regretfully made their way downstairs. There would be plenty of stares and judgments to face tonight but with Damon's hand in hers she knew she would be able to face it. This was the choice Jenna had been helping her decide. This was the woman she was always meant to be become. Damon was where she belonged. He was the man who accepted her past, loved her present, and deserved to be in her future.

It was their time now.

x-x-x-x

**Read & Review**

**~ Jenn xx**


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